I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
