guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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