12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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