saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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