I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
