theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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