We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
