dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
