Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
