Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
