i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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