Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
