my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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