I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
