Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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