Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
