Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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