she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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