no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
