i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Less talking, more tequila
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
