I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
