I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
