Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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