as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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