i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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