Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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