I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
