well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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