I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
