I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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