she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
