It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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