I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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