When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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