I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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