I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
