You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
