You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
