windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
