Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
