i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
