What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
