Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
