as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Congratulations! We have a period
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