Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
