you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
