If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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