Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
