I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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