My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize