He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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