i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
