Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
