Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
