If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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