I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
