the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
