Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
