Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
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antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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