I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
