I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How does one acquire holy water?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
