I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize