one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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