Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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